When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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