happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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