We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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