the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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