But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize