my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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