I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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