You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They are going to name an STD after you.
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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