I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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