am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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