people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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