She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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