Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize