What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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