I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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