He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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