I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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