god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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