Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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