i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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