apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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