i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize