she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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