my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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