youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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