This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize