You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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