I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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