Your face is a jimmy john
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize