My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize