Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
FUCK WHALES
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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