i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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