i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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