I cannot find my penis.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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