Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
