I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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