I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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