Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
