took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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