I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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