He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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