I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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