the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize