Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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