I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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