There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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