all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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