Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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