I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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