You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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